time takes a hiatus, & now words awkwardly produce small talk with one another in the cafe ino's blueprint.
i like to self-psychoanalyze certain traits of internet consumption from time to time, especially if i feel as if i've overdone my stay on youtube or pinterest.
up until recently did i find out my love for pinterest was foreshadowed by my love of tumblr when i was in middle school. i mostly used tumblr for falling into a sea of images in order to construct some kind of filmic escape from whatever mundane or chagrinous {possibly a mundanity due to chagrin} period of my life i was in. youtube on the other hand has always been a place to me. a place. like a third space. like a third space where i could find whoever i wanted to talk to. like a third space i could find whoever i wanted to talk to, although with very limited options, and i wouldn't have to say a single word. i remember going back into my study room {something that would later become my first personal bedroom} at my old house, and sitting at my emachines et1161-07 with the first sense of saturated wonder. i remember watching my first youtube video. it was fucking stupid i can't find it for the life of me. it was a kid sitting next to a brother or a friend. as the friend announces their departure, a replica of the kid arrives and sits next to him. the last words being 'what the ffffffffffff' and an abrupt end. youtube brought me to a place of dry, surreal, fringe humor. smosh, balloonshop, pleatedjeans, collegehumor. it showed me my first informational vids like khan academy and vsauce before nerdwriter1 usurped the throne in my 8th grade, then jacob geller post highschool graduation. i remember the moment i fell in love with vevo: helena by mcr on my 3ds through the youtube app, first day of 6th grade. fuck, that feels like telling somebody an incriminating secret. yet my hunt for the ghoulish, macabre side of the internet must have stemmed from both the unsettling environment of the study room and the somewhat deformed nascence of the internet. a litany of media may include: